The assurance of anything and everything is gone.

I accidentally left my Ana Journal in Art I today and almost had a panic attack - I'm not kidding, my heart beat so hard and fast I thought it was going to burst - because of the overwhelming fear that someone would read it. Of course, I didn't immediately realize that I had left it; I didn't realize it until halfway through third block (That's when I go to lunch on A Days, the days I have Math I) and had to go looking through my second block (Economics) and then finally first block (Art 1) to find it. I almost cried I was so happy, but I'm terrified that my teacher read it.

We-hell! I'm on the third day of my week-long fast, and boy and I excited. Seriously, though, it's been so long since I've been able to fast properly without SOMETHING screwing me up right after day two. It's great that I've finally been able to do this right, because the human body usually only starts burning fat around three days into the fast. That's when ketones are released from the actual fat being burned, so I'm hoping to be able to buy some ketone strips (They're available just about anywhere, apparently) soon so I can see when my body starts actually using fat for energy. I've never fasted for more than four days because I always mess up, so I'm determined to make this fast the one that lasts all seven days its supposed to last. I'm a little nervous though: I'm going home with May and September as usual tomorrow so we can go to church - The whole 'Wednesday Night Supper' thing - and I don't know if there's a way I can continue said fast without being suspicious. September knows a little about my ED and says that May is catching on, and since May has lunch with me, I can't lie and say I'm not hungry because I ate a big lunch or something. Maybe I'll bring my green-tea thermos with me and spit my food into it. Of course, my friends and I drink after each other all the time, so someone might try to take a sip and get a mouthful of my chewed up food. Not to mention how guilty I'll feel if I just chew the food without swallowing it. Oh, God. I know I'll HAVE to come, but I don't know what to do! Maybe I can just continue with the whole 'sick' thing I've been doing all this week. Yeah, I guess that's the plan.

Speaking of the sick thing, I've got mom convinced that I've been feeling terrible all week - I lost my voice at the lock in from practicing my growl-scream and yelling over the music at the concert - and I really have been feeling pretty bad. Today at school I started to get back the whole weak, dizzy, black at the corners of my vision thing from fasting. It was one of the happiest moments I've had in a LONG time.